Is Your Child's School Punishing Their Disability?

It’s one of the most maddening experiences a parent of a child with an IEP can have. You get a call from the school. Your child, who is usually well-behaved, is in trouble for not completing a "fun" classroom activity. The teacher is frustrated, your child is upset, and you are left trying to explain that the assignment wasn’t just difficult—it was a punishment.

This happens when a well-intentioned activity directly targets a student’s area of weakness without appropriate support, turning a simple task into a source of profound frustration and failure. It exacerbates the disability itself.

Let’s look at a scenario that plays out in classrooms far too often:

A 6th-grade student with dyslexia and ADD is given a "Challenging Holiday Word Search" at the end of the day, when his medication is wearing off. The page is a chaotic sea of letters. For a student whose brain struggles with visual tracking, decoding, and sustained attention, this isn’t a game. It’s a timed test of his disability. He tries, but he’s slow. He gets overwhelmed and quietly takes a break. The teacher sees this not as a sign of struggle, but as defiance. The result? A phone call home and a child who feels shamed for something he cannot control.

This isn’t about a teacher being malicious. It’s about a fundamental misunderstanding of how a disability can turn a seemingly simple task into an insurmountable barrier. This principle applies across many disabilities. Here are other examples of "help" that actually hurts:

The Principle of Exacerbation: More Examples

Think about whether your child has been put in a similar no-win situation.

The Scenario: Forcing a student with social anxiety or a stutter to read a long passage aloud in front of the class to “practice.”
- Why It Hurts: This isn’t practice; it’s a high-stakes performance of their greatest fear. The intense anxiety can make the stutter worse and cement a negative association with public speaking and reading.
The Scenario: Telling a student with dysgraphia to “just quickly jot down their ideas” on a poster board during a group brainstorming session.
- Why It Hurts: The physical act of writing is the barrier. For them, “jotting” is a slow, painful, and often embarrassing process. The assignment doesn’t measure their creativity; it measures their ability to overcome the physical challenge of writing.
The Scenario: Giving a student with auditory processing disorder (APD) an audiobook as their only option for accessing a novel.
- Why It Hurts: While audiobooks are a great accommodation for many, a student with APD can struggle to process spoken language without the support of written text. They may miss key plot points and fall behind, even though they are “listening.”
The Scenario: Asking a student with executive function deficits to organize a long-term project using a digital tool like Google Drive without any direct instruction on how to create folders, name files, or manage their workflow.
- Why It Hurts: The tool itself becomes another executive function task to manage. Without explicit instruction, their digital space can become just as disorganized as their physical binder, exacerbating their challenges with organization and planning.

What the Law Says

This isn’t just bad practice; it’s a potential denial of a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE). Your child’s IEP is not just a list of goals; it’s a legal contract that requires the school to provide the accommodations and modifications necessary for your child to access the curriculum and make meaningful progress.

When a teacher fails to implement those accommodations—or implements an activity that is fundamentally inaccessible—they are not fulfilling the requirements of the IEP. An accommodation is not appropriate if it punishes the student for their disability.

What to Say at the Meeting: A 3-Step Approach

If you find yourself in a meeting to discuss a situation like this, it’s crucial to stay calm and focused. Your goal is not to blame, but to educate and problem-solve. Base the meeting on the facts and the law, not just your emotions.

Step 1: State the Problem Clearly and Calmly

Start by framing the issue from the perspective of your child’s disability.

Script: “Thank you for meeting with me. I want to talk about the incident with the word search puzzle. From my perspective, this wasn’t an issue of defiance, but an issue of an inappropriate assignment. A word search requires strong visual tracking and decoding skills, which are specific areas of weakness for my son due to his dyslexia. When he was asked to do this task, especially at the end of the day, it was setting him up for failure.”

Step 2: Connect It to the IEP and the Law

Bring the conversation back to the legal requirements. This shows you are an informed advocate.

Script: “My son’s IEP includes accommodations like [mention a specific accommodation, e.g., ‘access to text-to-speech software’ or ‘reduced number of problems’]. These are in place because we know that tasks involving heavy reading and visual tracking are difficult for him. This assignment did not seem to include any of his accommodations and, in fact, played directly to his disability. For him to receive FAPE, all assignments, including ‘fun’ ones, need to be accessible.”

Step 3: Propose a Collaborative Solution

Your goal is to prevent this from happening again. Frame your solution as a way to help the teacher support your child better.

Script: “I would like to work together to find better ways to handle these situations. Could we create a list of alternative ‘fun’ activities that he can do when the class is doing visually-intensive work? Or can we ensure that his accommodations are applied to all activities, not just graded assignments? I want to make this a teachable moment so that my son can learn and the team can better understand his needs.”

Moving Forward

This conversation is about more than just a word search. It’s about ensuring that every aspect of your child’s school day is designed for their success, not their failure. It’s about turning moments of frustration into opportunities for education—for both your child and the school staff.

By staying focused on the principle of the matter—that a child should never be punished for their disability—you can advocate effectively and create lasting change.

Related reading:

When Fun Isn't Fun Is Your Child's School Punishing Them for Their Disability